;; we live by words we've heard,

words we say,

& words we would love to hear.

Here. This is where I begin. 

College. It's the big time now...every decision I make now affects more than just my GPA; the effects of my decisions affect my future. Not attending a class means: missing notes, which later means not being able to do my homework, which leads into failing that part on the quiz, which if not helped means failing a test. One test, just one test means that I'm now THAT much behind on where I should be. It's hard, but what an enjoyable journey.

Love. What is the meaning of this word? I have yet to experience it, maybe some people aren't lucky enough to feel this. I may be one. The closest I've come to love is my niece, that little girl is love. Love in the most innocent most beautiful way, the way she laughs and runs to me when she sees me then throws herself to the floor because she knows I'll catch her. That's the closest feeling of love I have ever experienced. I suppose there was a boy, keyword...was. It was pure, for a little while at least, but like all great romances there's a struggle. Only this struggle isn't one that was solved and overcome by the power of two, no this struggle led to fight after fight after fight. Then, there was nothing left. I'd be lying if I said I'm going to let it go, no one ever gives up on a first love. Maybe he did, but then of course that means I wasn't his first love. End of story, or only one to be continued? I'll keep you updated.

Work. I do this way to much. Work & Think, Think & Work. Two jobs is way to much for a college freshman to handle. This is especially true when one job is more stressful than school itself. Why do the ones with good leadership always get stuck in last place? I guess I'm just not leader material, even if my co-workers are already convinced that I am the better teacher. Something else I have to live with I guess. Why is it that I am working less hours at the job I thoroughly enjoy more and earn more money for a job that stresses me out and pays less? Sometimes I don't understand my non-sense. I guess that is why it's called non-sense.

Faith. There used to be a brightly burning candle, fed every Sunday...I slowly have let it to flicker, feeding it only enough to keep it dimly lit. Now I don't even know how to pray, I know his presence is still here, it's just harder to find. There's too much noise, too many mistakes, too many stumbles, I need an awakening. I guess singing isn't enough anymore, so if you believe...pray for me. Pray for the awakening I'm asking for. If I find him, maybe I'll find love, and then maybe I'll find myself again.

Myself. Why yes, how am I doing? Well...I'm living one day at a time. & Right now, Time is hell but I'm going to keep moving. In the meantime wish me luck.

Remember - Truth Speaks when Faith Listens

maybe someday I'll take my own advice.

tiff-xo.