Love. Well, this one went down the tubes yesterday as I wrote about in my last blog entry. Surprising twist though, his mom texted me today. She asked me how I was doing & that hopefully I am doing alright, she also reminded me that I am not alone. She will always be there for me & if I need to talk to her I know how to reach her. WEIRD huh? I've always known her to hold her word though. I am strong enough to let him go, I think I was worried about talking to her after this was all said and done. I guess she read my mind and told me whats up. A part of me is snickering because as long as I talk to her, I'm still in his life. Most of me is dreading what he'll think though. I don't want any of his new girlfriends to have as much of a bond as I do with his mom. She means a lot to me, & to see someone else develop that kind of relationship with her would crush me more than he ever did. She is my motherly figure when things are really rough between my mom and I. The thing about Betty, is that she doesn't judge me. When I tell her about drinking and all these things that my mom would judge me about, she tells me what's up. She trusts me, which for someone I have never met, is quite a risky thing. In the past two years, I thank God for bringing Betty in my life. She's helped me through a lot and taught me a lot, I know she will always be there for me.
Life. So, I called the counseling center on campus today, no one answered but it's okay. I am taking baby steps...I actually called today. I'll probably try tomorrow and set up an appointment for Thursday. I need to speak with someone about all the chaos in my life, I need to find a straight path and follow it, enough getting distracted and taking this turn & that turn. I took the initiative to look up my classes for next semester already. Oh boy, I put all the hard classes in my schedule. I'll be taking Biology 151 & Lab, Chemistry 121 & Lab, Calculus (NOT looking forward to it), Psychology & Sociology. I'm excited for the psych & soc classes, the study of the brain and social interactions is something I've always been very interested in. Calculus I am not looking forward to whatsoever but it has to be done. I have to do it & I better just do it right now. Sophomore or Junior year I'll take anatomy! YAY! I get to memorize and look more in depth about the physiology of the body. More doctor-like stuff. OH MY...today, I got a 105% on my speech. My speech teacher is known for being a stickler. He gave me a 100% plus 5 pts for dressing up. I am SO proud of myself. I've never thought of myself as a good speaker, his comments on my speech though made me sound like one of the best speakers in the class. He told me that I had a great speech topic and that he was very interested in learning more about it. The way I tied it into the interests of my peers was great, by providing an interesting attention giver. Plus he said I have great eye contact, my voice was at the right level and I looked calm while giving the speech. In reality, I was shaking & my mind was going a mile a minute. Its another factor that I've mastered, pretending I'm okay when in reality I am completely falling apart.
Anyways. I guess that's all on my mind right now, plus I have to get ready for work. UGH...there's a good topic about, but I'll save that for another time.
Always Remember: Truth Speaks when Faith Listens
Slowly, I'm following my own advice.
-tiff-xo
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