One of the many things I've learned is that I am not strong enough.
I'm not strong enough to handle everything at once, but I am strong enough to get help.
I'm not strong enough to handle everything at once, but I am strong enough to get help.
I proved this today.
I did it. No, I'm not talking about sex. (mind OUT of the gutter guys) I'm talking about I got help. Remember when I said I called the counseling center? Well, today I just walked right up there. Actually, I don't know what brought me there. All I know is that I was walking right by McCannel & the snow was falling in my eyes, I ended up turning into the building and realized the counseling center was located in the building. I felt so dumb for just walking in there and not knowing how to get up there. I found the stairs though, and I climbed them. I reached the door and almost turned around. That wasn't the hard part, I wasn't at the counseling center yet. Once I reached that door I almost turned around, I felt happiness soar through my body, then I kept thinking..."I'm fine, I don't even feel sad or stressed...why go?" I didn't listen though, I walked in and talked to the secretary.
Truth is, even though I felt fine, once I sat down with someone it was hard to start talking. Once I started talking, I kept going. Why is it that you can hold something in for so long, and deal with it all these ways that you think are going to help... but it never does. It was hard, letting someone know about everything I had kept in...well for years. All that built in frustration, hurt, all the excuses, I have made for people, for myself. Yeah, I shed a few tears...actually quite a bit. The best relieving feeling was when the person I was talking to, looked me in the eye and said, "I'm Sorry." The first genuine apology I've had in awhile.
Today is a stepping stone for me. I always though I was the strongest and that I can handle anything thrown my way. Truth is, I can handle anything thrown my way...but building it up and never talking about it, I defeat myself.
That's it. I did it. I'm proud.
Maybe, I'm starting to listen to my own advice.
Remember guys,
Truth Speaks when Faith Listens
-tiff-xo
Tiffany-
ReplyDeleteI'm so proud of you for taking that step. Though I'm certain that it wasn't easy to do so, I'm glad you did. You've been consistently on my mind and have been in my prayers throughout the weeks. I know that we're rather far away, but if you ever want to come down here to just hang out...You certainly have a place to stay. Come Christmas shopping here or just come to hang out! I miss you tons and wish that I could be closer to go to coffee with you! I miss having AP English together to just talk about life. I wish that you could come to college here as we could then hang out consistently. :) Nevertheless, if you ever need me, don't hesitate to call, text, or e-mail. :D Once again, I'm very proud of you!