Sitting In a Coffee Shop.

small black coffee & blueberry muffin.

smile.

Male Gender. Does anyone truly understand the opposite gender? Men like: sports, cars, and building. Women like: Shopping, Coffee, and Romance. No, it's really not that clear cut. To be honest, I had a hard time coming up with the third thing women like. Shows you how much I have in common. Really though. I run into quite a few men in my life, ahh saying men is too flattering, I will call them boys. But rather, I run into a fair few working at a coffee shop and I must say they are the most confusing people ever. Especially the kind I end up falling for. My italicized print ^ is actually a regular "boy's" order. He's been coming in since before I started I think...but who knows. ANYWAYS. He's definitely a cutie, at first he used to come in with this other guy who was pretty attractive as well but he has a horrible personality so I never thought twice about him. This guy is shy, pretty darn shy I must say but that's what makes him attractive to me. This guy has seen me look my worst, like no makeup, hair's a mess, bags under my eyes & that's the say he made me smile. He doesn't come in very much but I've seen him here the last few days that I've worked. He has a green UND hat and his smile is so darn cute. I always see him in here either with his "ugly" friend, or he's drawing. I just wish I had more to say to him then just hey, how are you doing. I'm so outgoing but with guys I'm attracted to in person I'm so shy, I don't like it. So there's this other guy who is 4 years older than me and I know of him because of people I know personally. I'm told he's supposedly "married" but he NEVER wears a ring & so I'm thinking maybe there's a girlfriend. If there is a girl in the picture, I feel sorry for her. He's a flirt, majorly. I am the kind of girl that if a cute guy is flirting with me, I become speechless. See I've dealt with a lot of these "I know I'm hot" kind of guys. They are so used to just having girls fall all over them and become in love with them, I find that annoying. Him though, oh man...I had fun. I like insulting him and joking around...kicking him off his high horse when really I think he's the cutest thing ever..& I can't let him see that reaction. The more I kinda gave him shit the harder he tried to flirt like it was a challenge for him. I stayed late after work the night before because he was around but really I needed to get some gift cards and such. I joked and told him that hey, we close in three minutes & he was like you close in three minutes. I said nahh..I was done at 9:30. (it's now almost 10) So he goes on to say "oh you stayed to check me out huh? - I know you did" I told him that he shouldn't flatter himself and he goes on to say the same thing again. So finally I rolled my eyes and said "fine, I did stay an extra thirty minutes so I could stand there and check you out, happy?" he goes "don't worry, I was checking you out too..& I like what I see" I was like....whoa...wtf. I was so confused. I wanted to just like say really? oh my gosh! and like freak out, this wasn't the only thing he said to me that was of that kind of phrasing "i like you statements" he also said he liked my face that is was pretty and stuff like that....ugh! I don't know. I honestly think he's one of the cutest guys in the world, even if he's mucho older than me. I don't care. I just don't know how to take this kind of stuff...it's so hard I hate it. Now I sit here after work at my laptop while I hopelessly wait for him to walk through the door and make me smile again. Although I know that Caribou closes in an hour and he probably won't show up :/ hopeless. 

Family. I've been thinking a lot lately about my family. Thinking a lot about when my family was supportive, counting those moments when my parents outwardly stated they loved me and were proud of me. The sad thing is, that within my whole 18 years of life I can think of maybe 3 times. I never grew up as a child who's parents tucked her in every night and said I love you. My parents never once said that to me growing up. I was also under a strict household, sure I was the disciplinary in the house when it got down to it. I was really hard on myself, I still am. All I ever wanted was to make them proud of me. But I couldn't, no matter how many As I got, how much stuff I was in charge of, I grew up never making them proud. I was always doubted though. My parents would deny all of this if they read this, I know they would. It's true though. They've doubted my work ethic, always thought I was going to fail classes, told me that all my activites would tire me out and on & on. Like I said there's not many times in my life that I feel I made them happy. My graduation wasn't even important to them, my honor stoll, anything.They didn't even take pictures. There is no recollection of me even graduating besides my cap & gown. Damn, I just realized this. Then again, there's my diploma...but still. You think they'd be proud, but no sadly. Anyways, I suddenly lost my inspiration to write...so I guess this is what I will stop with.

remember : Truth Speaks when Faith Listens :)

tiffxo