I Am At a Loss for a Witty Title

dwell in possibility

Emily Dickinson

      Fall. Let me just start by stating the obvious. I absolutely adore fall. Just the smell of the crisp air and the colors. Oh the colors! I swear, North Dakota looks more alive in the fall. Fall is just cool enough to wear jeans & a hoodie which is my favorite outfit. Camo doesn't look silly and ordering hot chocolate doesn't make you seem weird. When I hear the leaves crunch beneath my feet, I smile and I become a little kid for that moment in time.

      Writing. So lately, I've been thinking about what I may be doing for a career. A few events recently have brought to my attention the fact that I may be good at writing. My GTA for my study skills class keeps letting me know that my writing is great. I exceed her expectations for the writing assignments and she fully enjoys my papers. Now, of course the critic within me comes out and laughs saying I just whipped this out of nowhere. This is partially true...however, I can't imagine myself being a good writer. How foolish people must be to think I can actually write well! That's what I think. English composition has become one of my better classes, I got an A on the first paper I wrote. In the comment section my GTA only noted that I should cut my intro a little bit instead of stating everything at once. So right now I have an A in composition. My GTA loves my writing as well. I don't know, I'm so confused on what I should be doing. I love writing, it's one of the things I tell people when they ask me what I like to do. I find myself writing a lot of inspirational quotes and even song lyrics when I get the inspiration. I'm so confused!!!

      Faith. I've continued to grow in my faith and I'm even more involved. I've picked up an adoration hour and I'm even singing in the church choir. My weeks have been pretty peaceful now that God is at the center. I mean, there's still road blocks here and there and sadly, I'm not very committed with praying. I know he's there though, I have become aware of the little things that have added to the beauty around me. This has become more prevalent in my life now that I'm on my own.

      Friends. So just yesterday I hung out with one of my friends who talks to a good portion of my family and she said something that kind of shocked me yesterday. She told me that when she talks to people, she says that she would rather hang out with me than anyone else. Her reasoning is that I am not full of drama. I am both overjoyed and saddened at this fact.

      My family is something I really don't like discussing with people. They are complicated. Broken. addicts. Whether it be to attention, drugs, alcohol, abusive relationships...you name it, I'll name someone. As sad as that is, I feel that they have done a lot to shape who I am as a person. They have given me charateristics - both good and bad - that have molded me into being who I am. Because of what I grew up with and how it's affected me in the past couple years I'm now seeking counseling. I don't blame this on them, I'm simply getting help so I can be the best person I can be. I've learned through counseling that I'm very co-dependent and instead of taking care of myself, I end up taking on the burdens of others just so they will be happy. The thing with co-dependents is that we never let people hear us and then we get frustrated because we don't know how to communicate with people. In summary, we end up not caring for ourselves emotionally or mentally and we become exhausted. We have this critic who is amazing with timing. Always telling us these horrible things and we play movies of our failure. ME TO A T! Although I'm not fully recovered, I know that I'm doing better than a year ago. One day at a time!

 

That's all for this blog entry.
Truth Speaks when Faith Listens ya'll

Love you! Have a great week.

God Bless

Tiff-xo